


And A Piece of Silver In Her Shoe

by calysto1395



Category: Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Anders/Karl Thekla (mentioned) - Freeform, Aveline/Donnic (mentioned), Canon-Typical Violence, Drinking, F/M, Implied Physical Abuse, Isabela/Merrill (mentioned) - Freeform, Modern AU, Rite of Tranquility, Secret agents AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-18 04:07:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16987761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calysto1395/pseuds/calysto1395
Summary: Varric's secret agent career has had a few bumps in the road.





	And A Piece of Silver In Her Shoe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [charthan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/charthan/gifts).



> I wrote most on this while out of the country stuck with no internet but i really enjoyed your prompt! This went several different directions but I hope you enjoy and that I could do your Katrin justice!
> 
> -
> 
> There is also a playlist for this i used for writing   
> https://open.spotify.com/user/shaarlyn/playlist/0lzRPAbJl3SxOWJdMAT04t?si=B6ecNCK0Sp-_fXMm6Rix6g

 

**Now**

 

Varric had met many intimidating people in his life. Cassandra Pentaghast was one of the few that seemed intimidating at first, but on closer inspection was just trying _way_ too hard. Thankfully he’s had several hours to inspect her as he told his story. His mother had used to say he was talented at it - telling stories. It was a hobby he enjoyed on occasion. According to Isabela his voice sounded like liquid sex, which he was an additional bonus. People liked listening to him.  
  
Agent Pentaghast had listened to him and his tale intently, asking questions at the right times. Now they sat across each other in silence as she digested his story, turning his words over in her head and likely trying to find any lies hidden within. Leliana stood in the corner as still as a stature, just as she had for the entire time, only slightly unnerving. When Alistair had talked about her, Varric had imagined her differently.

  
Pentaghast frowned. She looked at her files between them and then at Varric himself.  
  
„Where is the rest of your team?“ She asked, leaning forward on her elbows.  
  
Varric mirrored her movement as much as the handcuffs around his wrists allowed him.

 

„Wouldn’t you like to know?“, he smirked and got a squint in return. „I don’t know.“ He said instead. It was the first lie he had told in this room. There was a slight twitch in Leliana’s expression and Varric knew she had noticed. She didn’t call him out on it, perhaps to blackmail him later. At least Pentaghast seemed none the wiser. That or she was a harder read than Varric gave her credit for.  


“We do not intent to arrest them, if that is what you are worried about.” Leliana said.

 

Varric looked at the handcuffs still tying him to the interrogation room table. He lifted them as much as the chains allowed, making them clink on the metal surface.

 

“How would I ever get that impression?” He asked and making Leliana grin slightly.

 

Cassandra made a dissatisfied sound and leaned forward to uncuff him.

 

“We would like to offer a deal.” Cassandra said when she was done. Varric rubbed his now free wrists and waited for her to elaborate. That was what he had been hoping for, and what Leliana had insinuated in her conversation with Alistair.

 

Leliana finally sat down next to Cassandra when she didn’t speak further.

 

“Kirkwall was a mess that we had been sent to deal with, but you dealt with it for us. Meredith was out of control, her methods recently came to light and we forced her to resign.”

 

“She refused to see reason.”, Cassandra added. “Your... methods were more extreme than we would like, but considering recent events, we have more pressing matters we wish to discuss.”

 

Varric looked between the two women, trying to gauge their sincerity. “Which are?”

 

“A job. One you might be interested in.” Leliana said.

 

Varric leaned back, making full use of his new range. “Well, give me your pitch.”

 

* * *

 

Varric hated the mountains, the cold and the country in general. Too bad that Haven combined all three. Everything was just too far away. In Kirkwall he could have walked from work home while also stopping by an internet cafe of his choice, a dry cleaners and probably a sex shop, all within an hour. To find the nearest payphone close to Haven that didn’t belong to the Inquisition, he had to drive out three hours into the woods. And bring some of his own equipment to make sure they weren’t going to be able to track the call anyway.

 

“It’s not so bad.” He said, shivering in the icy glass box of the phone booth. He felt like an extra in a horror movie. The booth was the only source of light in miles and everything around him was dark forests and empty streets. The perfect place for a b-movie monster to come and eat him alive.

 

Hawke laughed brightly on the other end of the line. It was a heavenly sound after so long without it. Like warm honey soothing a sore throat.

 

Maker, he was disgusting himself with his own metaphors.

 

“It’s the mountains, covered in snow, and in the middle of nowhere. All the things you hate.” She pointed out. He huffed.

 

“The company isn’t so bad.”, he said and they both grew quiet for several seconds before he continued. “I think they’re good, Hawke.”

 

A deep breath crackling over the bad connection of one pay phone to the next. “Kirkwall used to be good too.”

 

“I know. I’ve considered that. I wouldn’t have called if I weren’t sure.”

 

“Why even ask for me? Doesn’t that seem suspicious to you at all?“

 

“Usually I would agree but Hawke. It’s Corypheus.” He heard Hawke’s breath halt over the thin connection. “It’s his people again. I don’t know how or why they are back but it’s definitely them. I don’t know what they got planned and it’s quite honestly scaring the shit out of me.” He took a deep breath, watched it fog up the glass around him. “I feel like this is my… our mess to fix.”

 

Hawke hummed on the other end of the line. He knew already he had her convinced. It was a horrible feeling. The last thing he wanted was to endanger her but this was bigger than the two of them.

 

Finally she sighed. “I trust your judgment Varric. If you think I won’t be walking into a shooting squad, then I’ll be there.” He could hear a small smile in her voice.

 

“If i’m wrong we can always shoot back.” Varric reassured her, and himself.

 

* * *

 

**Then**

 

_Varric had never pictured himself as a state employee and yet, here he was with a badge to prove it. It was ridiculous, if only his brother could see him now. Varric was sure he would be ranting up a storm within the same breath._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Your main job will be to gather and evaluate intelligence and put it to use for the team.“ Bran told him. Bran was the epitome of a pencil pusher if Varric had ever met one. He had hair slicked back, the barest hint of frown line wrinkles pushing into his forehead, and the weakest handshake Varric had ever experienced. Formal suit with an honest to god handkerchief matching the tie folded in his breast pocket that also bore his badge. Similar to Varrics’ own. He carried an air of arrogant boredom with every step of his polished shoes as he led Varric through his new place of work._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Will I be meeting the team?“ Varric asked and tried to commit the identical looking grey hallways to memory._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Yes.“ Bran told him simply and opened double doors to a boardroom. A dark red carpet lined the floor, looking expensive enough that Varric almost felt bad for walking all over it with his dirty shoes. The table in the middle was a deep rich brown wood that reflected the sunlight of the windows perfectly, blinding him at certain angles. Sitting at it was a lone figure. A young woman, human descend from the looks of it, but small and lithe enough to have some elf in there as well. She seemed to match the color scheme of the room with her warm skin tone and the dark brown curls of her hair, paired with a red blouse. She rose from her seat when they entered, a slight bit of nervousness hidden in her frame as she hesitated to offer her hand in greeting. Varric graciously decided to save her from the awkwardness and offered his own up first._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Varric Tethras, at your service.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _She smiled and shook his hand. „Katrin Hawke.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„Hawke will be the teams’ field medic.“ Bran explained. „Tethras will be the operator.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„Voice of god, got it.“ Hawke nodded and let go of his hand._ _  
_ _  
_ _„The rest of your team will be here shortly.“ And without further words, Bran left them alone._ _  
_ _  
_ _The room was unfortunately empty save for the table and chairs. No water had been provided, not even potted plants were in the corners._ _  
_ _  
_ _„So, medic?“ Varric asked just for something to do._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Yes.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„You studied medicine then?“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„Sort of.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„Not a doctor?“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„No.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric glanced at her. She was giving him nothing. They stood there for a few moments, staring at each other._ _  
_ _  
_ _Hawke cleared her throat. „I hear they have a doctor employed that will do most of the important work. I’m just first response on site.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„I see.“ He said and took seat in the chair closest to him. Hawke hesitated, awkwardly jerking toward the chair next to him before she settled to go back to the chair she had been sitting in before, two seats over from his._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Excited?“ He asked, because he was. Working for the government may never have been something he had wanted, but he couldn’t help but be giddy at the prospect of all the knowledge that would be accessible to him here. They had let him into the candy store and he was child with a sweet tooth. And most importantly, he was smarter than them._ _  
_ _  
_ _Hawke gave him a smile that made him uncomfortable to look at. „Sure.“ She said, but didn’t mean it._ _  
_ _  
_ _He tilted his head and examined her as she stared straight ahead out of the window. There was something curious about her that he couldn’t place, something sad and resigned in her eyes. Maybe she hadn’t wanted to go into field work. Maybe she hadn’t wanted to be recruited. Varric sure as hell hadn’t the first time he heard the offer, but in comparison to prison it had been the better option, especially with the position they had given him. Varric now saw it as one of the most fortunate things that ever happened to him. Working for the secret service of the Free Marches was going to open a lot more doors than hacking away at their security from his permanently rented hotel room above the shabby bar was._ _  
_ _  
_ _This was going to be a very interesting place of employment for Varric, he just had to be smart about it. Along the line he could figure out what Hawke’s deal was, easy as pie._

* * *

 

 

_Varric could still feel Aveline’s iron hard stare from earlier this morning. „Don’t fuck up, Tethras.“, she had said as a warning and a promise before leaving him in charge for this mission._ _  
_ _  
_ _It was a small thing. A test run for his first time being unsupervised. It had only taken a year and two months. Would have been only 8 months total if he hadn’t been caught looking into Donnic’s personnel files. But really, who could blame him? A man brave enough to date Aveline had to have some dirt buried somewhere. Turned out he didn’t, and neither Bran nor Aveline had appreciated his prying._ _  
_ _  
_ _But now here he was, headphones on and rows and rows of monitors in front of him, ready for the action._ _  
_ _  
_ _„I spy with my little eye, something that starts with Y.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _It was slightly less glamorous than he had expected._ _  
_ _  
_ _Hawke sighed over the comms. „Really, Rivaini?“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Isabela snorted. „You’re still bothering with codenames? Admit it, this job is a bust.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric had to silently agree. The job had been to observe a meeting between two targets they had been tracking for a while. Fenris and Sebastian were currently checking out the other involved parties all the way in Ostwick. Varric had ten bucks sitting on them having an awkward drunk one night stand during their two weeks there, and Isabela had surprisingly bet against. She had no faith in their choir boy._ _  
_ _  
_ _„What do you say, operations? Do we keep waiting? It’s hours past the meeting time.“ Hawke asked, her voice low as Isabela blew raspberries into the microphone._ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric considered their options. It was unlikely that someone was still going to show up, but they also had no other pressing matters to attend to at the moment._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Wait a little longer, we’ve got time.“ He said._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Copy.“ Hawke said in unison with Isabela’s groan._ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric said back into his chair and settled in for a boring evening. Of course that was when it all went to shit._ _  
  
_

* * *

 

_It was slowly becoming morning. Varric could tell by his burning eyes. Twenty minutes earlier he had to lie to Fenris and Sebastian when they had checked in. Sure, Hawke and Isabela were fine. The meeting in Ostwick had gone off without a hitch. Fenris and Sebastian had reported what they had seen, some weapons deal between a one of the qunari gang members they had been tailing and an elf woman they had been unable to identify thus far. Their orders were to lay low, keep eyes on the qunari, and return to base by the end of the week. Varric could only hope that they hadn’t heard Merrill’s frantic voice in the background. No use in worrying them now._ _  
_ _  
_ _Aveline had sent the other techs back to their usual stations after the first three hours without results, leaving the three of them to sort through police reports and shaky mobile phone footage posted onto social media themselves. Sometime during hour four Anders had made his way from the medbay to their office, looking for an update. When there wasn’t any he stuck around and now stood still as a stature in the corner._ _  
_ _  
_ _There was nothing._ _  
  
_

_Nothing except a giant explosion and the remains of the warehouse Hawke and Isabela had been hidden in._

_  
_ _There was no sign of them or the person they had been meant to tail, no information on who attacked or if it was targeted or random. Official reports said gas leak, ignited by the dry heat in the recent days. Aveline called bullshit on a freak accident. Both her and Varric had a feeling it had been a trap set for them, but that raised the questions of who and why and how._ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric shook his head at a recent news report that had just popped up which had obviously been penned by an idiot when Aveline threw her headset across her desk in frustration. Merrill paused her muttering and looked up as Aveline pinched the bridge of her nose and heaved a couple of deep breaths. Her outburst had brought an eerie silence to the room._ _  
_ _  
_ _Then the phone rang._ _  
_ _  
_ _Aveline sighed and pressed a button to turn on the loudspeaker._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Guard operations, Vallen speaking.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _A mechanical beeping rang in the room before an automated voice answered. „Security clearance required. Code: Delta Alpha Two Kelvin Lima.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„Clearance: Delta Alpha Two Foxtrot Delta Whiskey.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Two more peeps, then the crackling of a phone line connecting._ _  
_ _  
_ _For several seconds there was silence before heavy breathing came from the other line._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Hello?“, Hawke’s voice was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. „Headquarters? This is Champion. Requesting evac.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Merrill shrieked in joy._ _  
  
_

* * *

 

_Varric had been to medical exactly once in his entire year working at the agency. It had been when he heard that Merrill had smuggled a bundle of small kittens into Anders’ office, and the ensuring adorableness had to be witnessed firsthand._ _  
_ _  
_ _His second time was under less pleasant circumstances. The high from knowing Hawke and Isabela made it out alive faded fast after another hour of administrative work and an organisational nightmare of getting their two agents out of the fire and into medical care. Followed by forced rest by Aveline when the two were accounted for at base while she went off to take their statements._ _  
_ _  
_ _Six hours of restless sleep and two hours of walking a hole into his carpet later, Varric made his way to their medical facilities._ _  
_ _  
_ _From outside the room he could already hear Hawke’s and Anders’ voices arguing  about something, too muffled to make out the details._ _  
_ _  
_ _They stopped abruptly when he peeked into the door, both staring at him like deer caught in headlights._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Lovers quarrel?“ He asked with a smirk._ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric was amused to see how Hawke snorted and Anders grimaced at the comment. The good doctor shot Hawke a look. „Later then.“ He said, clipped and short. He gave Varric a nod and excused himself swiftly._ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric raised an eyebrow towards Hawke who waved him off. Or started to before she winced and cradled her hand that had a new cast with the other._ _  
_ _  
_ _He took the moment to truly look at her._ _  
_ _  
_ _Hawke looked... good. For someone who had been quite literally blown up. He was surprised she was still in one piece at all. There were bruises and scrapes all over her skin, one of her eyes seemed redder than the other from the distance, likely a burst blood vessel from the shockwave -  that was how those things happened right? Varric’s medical knowledge came entirely from fiction, and he made a mental note to look it up later. Her left hand was cast up to the elbow and he knew from her initial phone call that her ankle was likely a splintered mess as well even if it was currently hidden under flimsy hospital covers._

_  
_ _„You are the luckiest person I’ve ever met.“ He told her and Hawke laughed in earnest now._ _  
_ _  
_ _„You need to meet more people then. I distinctly remember getting blown up not 24 hours ago.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„Exactly. And yet, here you are.“ He said, gesturing at her._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Well-“ Hawke started but seemed to change her mind midway through. „Any news who did it?“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric shrugged. „I’m technically not on the clock yet. Last I heard we had no idea though.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Hawke nodded deep in thought. „I’ll talk to Aveline later then.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„She still working?“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„No, she left to take Isabela home.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _He frowned. How was he working in intelligence and knew nothing. „When did Isabela get released?“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„She was never admitted. She just got some scratches.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„How?“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Hawke looked at him, obviously trying to think of a lie. Eventually she shrugged carefully. „I’m a good medic.“ She said._ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric stared at her. She only managed to hold his gaze for a few seconds before she leaned over to her bedside table to fumble with the cup of water next to it._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Sure.“, he dragged the word out long to make sure Hawke knew he didn’t believe her. „Get well soon then, with your miracle healing powers. I gotta get to work.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _He was just getting up from the chair at Hawke’s bedside when the door opened to reveal Director Meredith Stannard. She was an imposing woman that Varric had only met once personally, during his interview - interrogation - that led to his job offer. She was easily taller than him and his dwarven genes but carried herself like a colossus, demanding space in the room she already occupied to its fullest._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Good morning, Director.“ Hawke said and maybe it were her medication or the pain but Varric thought he heard a slight waver in her voice._ _  
_ _  
_ _„It’s late evening actually, Agent Hawke.“, Meredith turned her gaze to Varric. „Agent Tethras. Did you have any business with your colleague?“ She asked and Varric felt like he was back in the interrogation chair. He shot a sideway glance to Hawke. Her entire body was rigid and still in the hospital bed, her healthy hand crinkled the plastic cup with water she yet had to drink from._ _  
_ _  
_ _„I was just leaving.“ He said carefully and left the two women alone. Leaving felt like betrayal somehow._ _  
  
_

* * *

 

_„I’m sorry, please repeat that.“ Varric said, staring at his colleagues. His friends really. He had been working closely with them for over a year, barely had time outside of his job. Now he was really questioning that decision because obviously they were all insane. When he had researched Hawke and Isabela’s freak luck surviving the explosion and their miraculous recovery he had bet on science experiments out of comic books. At least that was what his little dig into the restricted files had pointed towards._ _  
_ _  
_ _„We are mages. We can do magic.“ Hawke said._ _  
_ _  
_ _Not that._ _  
_ _  
_ _He stared at Anders, frowning deeply and Merrill, looking around the room distracted, Hawke, smiling apologetically. Her face barely showed signs of the previous damage. There were merely faint white lines were cuts had been and the cast around her hand was gone_ _  
_ _  
_ _„This was classified information until now. If you are going to be working with us further it will be impossible to keep secret from you so it was decided to let you in.“ Aveline stood behind the trio in from of him, her arms crossed. On her side was Meredith’s perpetual tired looking second in command Cullen Rutherford. Decent fellow, Varric liked him. He was easy to cheat at cards and guilliable to fake gossip. Now Cullen looked as serious as he had ever seen him._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Right.“ Varric said and tried to wrap his hand around the concept._ _  
_ _  
_ _Magic was a children’s story. A myth like dragons and darkspawn. If it had ever existed it had long been eradicated by religious fanatics in one of the many Exalted Marches of the past. And yet here all these rational adults were trying to tell him it was real._ _  
_ _  
_ _Cullen sighed. „This information cannot leave this room. The only people in the know are these people, the rest of your team and the Director herself.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„And why is that? Are you afraid people will set up pyres?“ Varric joked and regretted instantly when he saw Hawke wince._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Among other things.“ Aveline said, completely serious._ _  
_ _  
_ _„It doesn't matter why. This is an order from the Director herself. You were hired for this position for a reason and were deemed trustworthy by Agent Vallen. Do not prove her word to be false.“_ _  
  
_

_Varric looked at them all individually before speaking again. „I’m sorry, Cullen. I’m still trying to figure out if this is an elaborate prank on me.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„Oh, we can prove it!“ Merrill said and pulled a knife from somewhere. Why did a technician have a pocket knife on her? Before he could even finish the thought Merrill had dragged the blade along the palm of her hand. Blood welled up instantly and Varric jerked back on instinct._ _  
_ _  
_ _Thankfully most people at the table had a similar reaction._ _  
_ _  
_ _Aveline gave a low warning of „Merrill,“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„I’m not going to do anything.“ She replied and held her hand out to Hawke. She took the offered hand gently and cupped it between her own. In front of his own eyes, Hawke’s hands began to glow a cool blue light. When she opened her hands, the cut on Merrill’s hand was healed._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Well, shit.“ Was all Varric could say to that._ _  
  
_

* * *

 

_Varric decided he didn’t like field work. He moaned and complained about sitting at a desk all day bored out of his skull but he decided it was leagues better than getting his boots ruined by sewer water. If he spontaneously lost his sense of smell he would be delighted. He would pay a lot of people a lot of money to not be here right now._

 

_“We are getting closer.” Hawke said, making the path in front of him._

 

_If not for her, he wouldn’t have even considered coming. But it was Hawke, and her mom and a serial killer that had been running circles around them for years and focusing on the disgusting part of walking through the waste of the city was easier than thinking of the possibilities of what could be happening to Leandra right now._

 

_“How can you tell?” Aveline asked. She walked so closely behind him he could feel the heat of her body at his back. Her gun was at the ready, mirroring his._

 

_“The energy in the air, can’t you feel it?” Hawke asked quietly, shooting a look over her shoulder. Both Aveline and Varric shook their heads. Only Fenris behind them gave an affirmative sound._

 

_“We should hurry.” He said, and Varric noticed the faint glow of his tattoos under his tactical gear. They really should  hurry, what with him lighting up the dark tunnel._

 

_Hawke strode forward and rounded the corner. Varric followed closely behind and nearly bumped into her._

 

_She stood still, staring at horror at the scene before them._

 

_Women, at least a dozen, strung up by their wrists, bare toes barely brushing the dirty floor. Each of them with a cannula at their neck and a bag filled with blood hanging next to them. There was no way to smell the blood over the sewage but Varric tasted it in the back of his throat nonetheless._

 

_“By the Maker.” Aveline said. She shook herself out of it quickly, striding forward to the closest woman to check if she was still alive. Varric followed her example with another woman._

 

_Young, blonde hair hanging over her face in greasy streaks. She couldn’t have been much older than thirty. When he touched her, her skin was cold and the blood bag next to her nearly full. He wanted to hurl._

 

_“This is the work of a blood mage.” Fenris told them gravely. He took a knife from his belt and carefully began cutting down a woman who was stiff enough that Varric didn’t have to ask about her condition._

 

_“As we suspected.” Aveline said grimly._

 

_Hawke took the face of each woman. With frantic energy but forced gentleness she examined each of them closely. None of them reacted._

 

_“She’s not here.” She said finally and looked around. Varric send a passing glance around the victims, some of them had similar hair to Leandra’s faded blonde with streaks of grey but it was obvious she was not among them.There were three tunnels leading into this area, the one they had come from behind them and two further ahead._

 

_“It might not be the same guy.”, Varric pondered and removed a cannula from a woman’s neck. “Remember, the other victims all had body parts missing.” He said. Whatever horrible thing had been done to these women, they were all whole. This was a slow way to die and Leandra hadn’t been missing for more than a day. It filled him with a twisted sort of hope._

 

_“Why the lilies then?” Hawke said through gritted teeth._

 

_“Copycat, maybe?” Fenris pondered._

 

_Hawke shook her head and closed her eyes. Her breathing was too fast._

 

_“I’m calling this in.” Aveline said, taking her phone out of her pocket._

 

_Hawke lifted her hand and her eyes shot open. “Wait, be quiet.” They all fell silent, listening to the dripping and rushing of water echoing in the tunnels._

 

_And finally. Footsteps. Voices. Hawke took off into a tunnel and they all followed._

 

_Further down the tunnel was a light, the voice getting louder and louder. Manic mumbling that was turned horrific from the acoustics of the sewers and the content of the words._

 

_They approached slowly. In the middle of junction was a figure, kneeling on the ground in front of someone sitting in a chair. They were clad in a white dress, the veil barely showing the shape of long hair hidden underneath. A number of candles and construction site lights were strewn around, painting distorted shadows on the walls. Four tunnels lead in and out of the area and while the man was muttering, obviously lost in his own head, they slowly surrounded him, cutting off the exits._

 

_“Hands up where I can see them!” Aveline shouted and the man flinched. “You are under arrest. Step away from the body.”_

 

_The man twitched violently and sprang to his feet. He stood in front of the chair, shielding his victim from them._

 

_“No, she is not done! You can’t do this.” He said and pulled at his hair like a frustrated child._

 

_“This goes no further. Step. Away. From. The Body.” Aveline said and slowly stepped closer in unison with Fenris approaching from the back._

 

_The man threw his head around, taking in the situation. When he noticed Hawke and Varric there as well, he seemed to panic further._

 

_“No, no, no.” He muttered and raised his hands. Before Varric even registered that the man was attempting to cast a spell at Aveline, Fenris’ gun had already gone off, hitting the man in the arm. The sound almost deafened him, continuing to echo in the tunnel. The shrill scream right after also didn’t help. The man crumbled to his knees, holding his injured arm as Aveline and Fenris rushed to handcuff him._

 

_Across the way he could see Hawke lowering her gun, her face contorted with horror. She was looking straight at the woman in the chair, now unobscured._

 

_Varric didn’t need to see her face to know who the victim was._

 

* * *

 

_„So, how did you know?“ Varric asked. His voice felt like molasses over his tongue. Heavy and sluggish. He almost drowned in Hawke’s soft couch and the gentle breeze coming on from the window made him almost feel like sitting on a beach, sipping expensive wine._ _  
_ _  
_ _Instead it was winter in the middle of the city, cold to him only in comparison to the usual temperature, and he was in Hawke’s apartment sipping dollar store equivalent of whiskey. Though, it might be rubbing alcohol with food coloring, he wasn’t sure._ _  
_ _  
_ _Hawke blinked at him slowly. „You want to hear my coming out story?“ She asked._ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric snorted. „No. With the whole-“, he waved his hands around. „Magic thing.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„Ah that.“ Hawke said and shifted in her seat. She shrugged with one shoulder. „Dad had it, my sister had it. Feels like I always knew. Didn’t think it was anything wrong with it until I was a teenager.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric didn’t know what was wrong with it either but he chose not to comment. He was still new to this whole thing after all. Recent events had opened his eyes to the more nefarious side of magic. Though that hadn’t really justified any preconceptions about magic he had heard about since he knew it existed. People were terrible to each other, if they used a knife or a magically conjured fireball, didn’t really make that much of a difference._

_  
_ _Hawke stared straight ahead, as if she was seeing nothing at all. „Should have seen the things my sister could do with it. She was brilliant.“ Before she could choke on the lump in her throat, Hawke flushed it down with more alcohol._ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric felt a pang of sorrow himself. Him and Bartrand had never had the sort of relationship Hawke had to her siblings despite being continents apart, but getting sold out by his brother still stung even three years later. Even if it had gotten him into the agency._

_  
_ _„I keep trying to do it like she did but-“ Hawke laughed wetly. She held out her hand towards the couch table, then quickly balled it into a fist. In a flash, all the clutter on it flew to a central point, shattering across the surface and tumbling off the table to the floor._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Pretty impressive, if you ask me.“ Varric said._ _  
_ _  
_ _Hawke shook her head but didn’t say anything else. She took another swig and curled into Varric’s side instead._

 

* * *

 

_“Varric, do you have a minute?”_

 

_Merrill wrung her hands slowly as she stood around the corner. She was pressed close to the wall as if she were trying to melt into it. It was a terribly tragic display, reminding him of a wilting flower attempting to grow out of concrete._

 

_“Sure thing Daisy. What do you need?” Varric said and closed the gap between them, still a slight limp to his step. It had been a disappointing thing to learn that magic healing existed and yet it was far from a miracle cure. He really shouldn’t be complaining, even in his mind. The way Corypheus had shattered his kneecap, the doctors had been dubious if he would be making a full recovery at all, and now he was- almost as good as new._

 

_“Does Hawke still hate me?” She asked, quiet and resigned. “You were gone for a long time and I know you guys always talk. Did she mention something?”_

 

_“Of course she doesn’t. Why would she ever hate you? That’s nonsense.” Varric took her by the arm and gently ushered her aside. They were still in a busy office building, even if nobody seemed to be paying them any mind. Everyone was still too preoccupied with the cleanup of the mess that Corypheus had been. Turned out that wiping out an entire gang resulted in a lot of paperwork for your coworkers. Not like they had been given much of a choice in the matter, getting trapped in with them, but Varric still felt like filth. Corypheus himself would give him nightmares if he could dream, not to mention the slaughter that had followed. It was a miracle they had made it out alive, and Varric hadn’t even protested the mandatory psych counseling afterward. He had seen Isabela pull a knife on a colleague that had approached her from behind in the mess hall the other day, and hoped she was also taking advantage of a free psychiatrist._

 

_“Fenris and Anders do, it wouldn’t be too strange.” Merrill said, pulling him back into their present conversation._

 

_“They don’t hate you. They are just… like that.” He said and winced at his own words._

 

_“I don’t blame her. I know my magic isn’t too nice. And with what happened with her mother and now Corypheus.” Merrill said as she absently walked ahead towards a window, overlooking the city._

 

_Varric sighed and joined her - silently thankful that the windows reached down to the floor so he could actually see through them without standing on his toes._

 

_Corypheus had been a shitshow from the start. Someone attacking Hawke’s siblings all the way in Ostwick, the trap they had set for his people, tracking him all the way to the Vimmark Mountains only to face him and find out it was all due to some old vendetta against Hawke’s dead father - who had apparently dabbled in blood magic in his free time. A fact that Hawke had been unaware off._

 

_It hadn’t brought up the best of memories. He had barely seen Hawke in the aftermath. He couldn’t get the smell of burning flesh out of his nose when he saw her._

 

_He sighed. They were all a work in progress._

 

_“She just needs some time, Daisy. She doesn’t hate you. There’s just a lot going on right now.”_

 

_Merrill looked at him. “You think so?”_

 

_“I know so. Don’t you worry about it. I’m sure if you talk to her she will tell you the same. She is not the kind of person who would hate you for other people’s crimes.” He told her and squeezed her hand reassuringly. And maybe also because he felt like experiencing some physical contact that didn’t lead to murder._

 

* * *

 

**Now**

 

Hawke’s arrival in Haven was a rather quiet affair, much to Varric’s surprise. It was shocking to realize that not everyone recognized her on sight, especially out of uniform and with unkempt hair from months on the run. She was high strung to the point of snapping at the slightest hint of trouble and it seemed the Inquisition was aware of that. Cadash, Leliana and Josephine greeted her alone, Cullen and Cassandra unusually absent from their side and discussed terms in Cadash’s office.

 

Hawke was less tense afterwards, but there was a bone deep weariness to her that Varric knew wouldn’t go away with a simple night’s rest since he had also experienced it himself. It had taken him weeks to relax around the Inquisition. For Hawke’s sake he hoped she adjusted more quickly, it was due time that she could relax a little. Even if Corypheus’ ghost was still haunting them years later. Of all the things to haunt them, Varric hadn’t expected him. It was a little ridiculous. Why his people had resurfaced so many years later was mystery to everyone, and why they hadn’t been looking for the people that killed their boss was even more puzzling.

 

“Well, how’d you get to him last time?” Sera asked the same night over dinner, mouth full with mashed potatoes from the mess hall. It was eerily empty at this time of the night. The Inquisition was a smaller operation than Kirkwall had ever been, but much better funded. Varric had also already noticed a lot more people all across Thedas working behind the scenes. Kirkwall had operated only inside the Free Marches. It was scary and exciting.

 

Hawke and Varric shared a glance. Varric lifted an eyebrow at her and Hawke groaned. “We are not faking a wedding again.”

 

“Aw come on, that worked great.” Varric replied, smirking.

 

Dorian leaned forward on the table. “You faked a wedding? Tell me more.” He said, placing his chin on his folded hands.

 

Hawke stopped Varric from getting the first word in. “It was Aveline’s idea. She had just come home from her honeymoon and had a bunch of decorations left over. So when we needed a plan to catch Corypheus’ people...”

 

“We announced the wedding very publicly - under fake names - and let it slip through that it it was actually Hawke’s wedding because we knew they were after her.” Varric interrupted.

 

“So Varric and I had a fake wedding in front of most our colleagues to attract assassins.”, Hawke said. “Really not as exciting as it sounds.” As if to demonstrate her point further she continued to eat, finished with the conversation.

 

“Please tell me they interrupted at the “speak now, or forever hold your peace” bit.” Dorian said, highly amused.

 

“Of course.” Varric lied, just as amused. He could see the scene in his head. Them standing at the altar. Hawke in that dress that barely hid the pants she had put on underneath and him nearly choking on the bowtie that Isabela had tied for him

 

“They waited until we left the crowd to get pictures taken.” Hawke said and Varric clicked his tongue at her.

 

“That’s not as good a story.”

 

Hawke rolled her eyes but this time more exasperated than annoyed.

 

“So you guys are officially married now?” Sera asked, snickering.

 

Hawke snorted. “No it wasn’t our real names.”

 

“If it was an official Andrastian ceremony with a sworn officiator than the names do not matter.” Cassandra threw in.

 

Hawke’s spoon stopped halfway to her mouth, staring at Cassandra. Varric likely had an equally shocked expression on his face as the realization settled in.

 

“What.” Hawke said eventually and Sera was already snickering.

 

“Under Andrastian belief, the marriage ceremony is between two souls. Many couples in the past met for the first time on their wedding day and didn’t even know each other’s names. So, traditionally the names aren’t even mentioned during the ceremony.”, Iron Bull threw in casually, earning curious glances from the rest of the table. He shrugged. “What? I read.”

 

Varric shook his head and filed that information away for another day. “As interesting as this might be that doesn’t mean we are married because another agent was officiating.”   

 

“Wait, was Sebastian-?” Hawke asked, setting her spoon down.

 

“Only women can be church officials.”

 

“Men can be too.”, Dorian said. “Since your Divine and our Divine combined the churches back in the Industrial Age.”  

 

The cogs were turning in his head.

 

“He would have been, wouldn’t he.” Hawke said, staring at nothing.

 

Cassandra groaned and buried her face in her hands. “You can’t be serious.”

 

“This is delightful, truly.” Dorian said, chuckling. Varric even caught Vivienne at the end of the table hiding a smirk behind her hand.

 

“Huh.” Was all Hawke said. She sat there still looking at the wall. At least she seemed more confused than upset about the revelation. Her eyes narrowing in thought as if she was trying to bring the memory closer to the surface.

 

“Happy Anniversary?” Varric asked and Sera fell of her chair, holding her stomach as she laughed.

 

It seemed to snap Hawke out of her daze. “Didn’t that happen in Cloudreach? Shit, what month is it?” She rubbed her eyes.

 

“I’m more curious about why nobody bothered to tell us that.” Varric pondered. Surely Meredith or any of the other higher ups wouldn’t be too happy about randomly marrying off people without informing them.

 

“To fuck with us?” Hawke said.

 

Varric considered. Isabela, Fenris and Anders might do something like that but he had trouble imagining choir boy doing something so dishonest. Though maybe he just hadn’t known. Or Isabela had bribed him. That was more likely. Maybe they had just forgotten all about it in the months after. Nobody had really wanted to think about that fiasco.

 

“Probably.” Varric shrugged ultimately.

 

“I’m going to bed.” Hawke announced. “It’s been a long day as a new bride.”

 

* * *

 

**Then**

 

_„So, where are they off to?“ Varric asked around the bottle of beer Isabela placed in front of him. She fell into her seat with a flourish and clinked her own bottle against his._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Special training.“ Fenris answered instead of her. He spun his wine glass in circles in front of him. Varric couldn’t yet tell if it was boredom or anxiety that encouraged the habit. Or maybe it was a wine drinking thing. He could almost hear Bartrand’s voice in his head trying to get him to appreciate this expensive old fruit juice. As far as Varric was concerned, as long as it made him drunk, who cared about the taste._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Sounds ominous.“ Varric said and shot a glance at Isabela who wiggled her fingers at him._ _  
_ _  
_ _She almost climbed over the table, cleavage threatening to burst as she crept close. „That’s because it is.“ She stage whispered and Varric could smell alcohol on her breath stronger than beer._ _  
_ _  
_ _„They need to have control at all times.“, Fenris said, his voice low. „You know what can happen if they don’t.“ There was an unmistakable warning in his voice. Varric couldn’t help but look at Fenris arms, the tattoos that gave him his powers barely shining through the fabric of his sleeves. Almost invisible if you didn’t know they were there. Work of an exceptionally disgusting blood mage. Varric had seen the files of Fenris’ recruitment. After a few paragraphs he had decided to just skim over it in an attempt to respect Fenris’ privacy somewhat._

 

_„I’ve seen Merrill lose control plenty of times and I keep coming back for more.“, Isabela said. „Or do you think she’s got a spell on me?“ She grinned and waggled her eyebrows at him._ _  
_ _  
_ _Fenris raised his chin, not taking the bait.. „It’s possible. That’s what her abilities_ **_are_ ** _. You know that. Thinking she never used them on you, even accidentally, is foolish.“ He took a careful look around the bar. Most people besides them and Aveline and Sebastian at the bar seemed enraptured with a sports game playing on the TV. Nobody was paying them any mind._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Really? I wouldn’t exactly call her dangerous. I’ve seen her get lost on the third floor six separate times.“ Varric scoffed. He loved Merrill dearly but he could hardly imagine her to be a danger to anyone but herself. It was an old argument between them. Usually worse when Anders and Sebastian were also present. Those three could agree on nothing except how they hated blood magic. Varric was used to tuning them out. Fenris fixed him in a glance._ _  
_ _  
_ _„All the more reason to doubt her.“ He said taking a sip of his wine. Across the table Isabela rolled her eyes at him._

* * *

 

_He could already hear Anders upset voice from the hallway as he approached the apartment door. Not exactly unusual, Anders was upset about many things often, but usually that didn’t warrant a call from Hawke in the middle of the night asking him to come over._

 

_All the voices behind the door grew silent instantly when he rang the bell and shortly after resumed more quietly._

 

_It was Hawke that opened. She looked tired. Not unusual either by itself._

 

_“Come in. We need someone to keep an eye on Karl.” She said, ushering him inside quickly. She checked the hallway before closing and locking the door behind him._

 

_“Something happen to him?” He asked and didn’t bother to hide his worry. Varric barely knew Karl other than the couple of times he had met him when visiting Merrill in R &D or when Anders brought him along to their card games, but he was nice enough that Varric didn’t wish him harm. _

 

_Hawke pressed her mouth into a thin line and took a deep breath through her nose before she answered. “Yes.”_

 

_She led him to her living room where Karl sat on the couch. Varric took him in, trying to determine an injury. He seemed fine and given the healing abilities of Hawke and Anders combined he doubted that Karl still had a single scratch on him. He sat still and straight and stared at the turned off TV._

 

_“Karl, Varric is going to sit with you for a bit, ok?”_

 

_When Karl turned to face him, he felt bile rise in his throat. “Hello Varric.” Karl’s voice was completely monotone but that wasn’t nearly as disturbing as the giant burn mark on his forehead. The flesh was still red and angry looking but the distinct shape of a blazing sun was already visible._

 

_“What the fuck.” Was all Varric could say. Karl must have still been in shock to be this calm. Varric had just seen him this morning. What the hell had happened to him in less than 12 hours?_

 

_“Yeah.” Hawke agreed grimly. Karl seemed utterly indifferent._

 

_Somewhere else in the apartment something shattered followed by a shout from Anders._

 

_“They said they were looking for a cure! That’s why I’m here! That’s why Hawke is here. They lied to us!”_

 

_“You need to be quiet. People will hear you.”, was Merrill’s response. In an uncharacteristic move for Anders, he must have actually listened to her since the next words spoken were too muffled to understand._

 

_“I’ll go deal with that. Just- keep an eye on him.” Hawke said and disappeared before Varric could ask any questions._

 

_Leaving him alone with Karl, still staring at him serenely._

 

_Varric made his way to the couch carefully. “You doing ok there?”_

 

_Karl nodded. “I am fine.” He said, devoid of any emotion._

 

_“Alright.” Varric’s chest felt tight. “Want to watch something while they fight out whatever it is?”_

 

_Karl stared at him. His eyes were almost glassy, like had just woken up and wasn’t fully awake yet. There was no twitch of muscles, no sign of discomfort or distress. The only movement was him steady blinking. He didn’t give a reply._

 

_Varric turned the TV on to avoid speaking any further. Turned the volume up loud enough to hopefully mask some of the shouting in their back._

 

_By the time it went quiet, they had managed to get through two episodes of Two and A Half Mabari in complete silence, and Varric was getting antsy._

 

_He dealt in information, it was quite literally his job. Not to mention also his hobby. Right now he felt out of his depth. Something had happened to Karl - obviously, Anders’ was very upset about it - also obvious. Who wouldn’t be upset if someone took a branding iron to your boyfriends forehead? Hawke and Merrill were here - strange, as Merrill and Anders hardly ever saw eye to eye. If anyone Varric would have expected Aveline to be here maybe. She would have known how to investigate if the assailant was still at large. Something magic related maybe. As far as Varric knew Karl wasn’t involved with magic other than dating a mage, but maybe he was missing intel. He wouldn’t put it past the agency to keep him on a need to know basis. The more he sat here, the less he believed that Karl was in shock. He was utterly indifferent to everything, hadn’t give any reaction to anything that was happening on screen or somewhere behind them in the apartment. There wasn’t even idly curiousity or attempts to listen in on the other three. Varric might as well have been sitting alone in the room._

 

_Something was very wrong._

 

_As the credits to episode three started rolling, Anders came back in the room._

 

_His face was streaked with exhaustion and fury but he seemed calm enough given the circumstances. Maybe he just didn’t have the energy to be upset any longer._

 

_“Varric.” He said as a greeting._

 

_“Hey Blondie.” He replied, knowing Anders’ was barely hearing him. Instead Anders walked between Karl and the TV. Karl looked up to him as if he were examining the weather._

 

_“Let’s go home.” Anders said, his voice tight._

 

_“Yes.” Karl stood up. When Anders put a hand on his elbow he didn’t lean in._

 

_“Merrill will get you guys home.” Hawke said, appearing in the door. Her arms crossed over her chest like she was trying to keep warm._

 

_Varric knew everything was fucked when Anders didn’t even protest and let Merrill guide him and Karl out of the apartment._

 

_The fake recorded laughter of the sitcom filled the silence following the closing of the front door as Varric and Hawke stood in the living room. The couch put a physical barrier between them but somehow Varric felt like there was an invisible one also present._

 

_“So, what happened?” He asked finally._

 

_Hawke looked past him at the TV._

 

_“Have you ever heard of the Rite of Tranquility?” She asked._

 

_By the end of the night, he wished he hadn’t._

 

* * *

 

_“Varric, with me.” Aveline said when she walked into the doorway of their main operations room. There was a grim expression to her face that made him uneasy. Many things these days made him uneasy. Especially when Hawke and the others were at their “special training” nowadays.He quickly closed his work and followed Aveline into the hallway._

 

_She didn’t speak further until the elevator doors closed completely behind them._

 

_“We are picking up Hawke, Anders and Merrill from their training. As soon as we are down there you will not be asking any questions, clear?” She told him, her voice even but commanding._

 

_“Crystal.” He said, fully intending to break that promise when Aveline added,_

 

_“So if you have any ask them now.” She stared straight ahead at their distorted reflection in the elevator doors._

 

_15 floors left, going down._

 

_“Since when do they need a pickup?”_

 

_“Since today. It’s strange.”_

 

_10 floors._

 

_“Why me?”_

 

_“I needed someone with a good memory that can keep their emotions in check.”_

 

_5 floors._

 

_Terrible choice of words. It was making him all kinds of anxious._

 

_“Alright then.” Was the last thing Varric said as they reached their floor._

 

_The elevator opened to a bland grey hallway that Aveline strode along with practised ease. Varric had never been down here. It had never particularly interested him down here. An oversight it seemed. At the end of the hallway was a nondescript door that Varric vaguely knew to be the training facility for their arcanely talented folk._

 

_Aveline entered without knocking. The room seemed to be a foyer. There was a desk where a receptionist might sit that housed Cullen who stood up at their entering. Straight ahead from the entrance was another room cased off with glass walls._

 

_Behind it, seated on a simple wooden benches were Hawke, Merrill and Anders and Varric felt his blood boil._

 

_They looked terrible. Merrill was slumped on Anders’ shoulders, sleeping or unconscious it was hard to tell and he was exhausted enough not to protest her proximity which was concerning in its own right. Next to them, leaning against the wall with her eyes closed was Hawke, shaking like a leaf, her skin pale and sickly._

 

_He glared at Cullen who walked over with some files in his hand, calm as can be. Aveline gave him a subtle hand gesture and Varric swallowed the molten rock he wanted to spew._

 

_“Aveline, Varric.” Cullen greeted them with a nod. His tone was grave, at least._

 

_“Rutherford.” Aveline spit back and her voice made it clear how pissed off she was. Varric didn’t even dare say anything, none of it would be kind._

 

_Cullen looked between them and sighed heavily, as if he had expected their reaction. He inclined his head and held out the file to Aveline. “Good results, I’m told.”_

 

_“You weren’t conducting the training yourself this time?” Aveline asked sharply taking the file and opening it._

 

_“The Director wanted to do it herself today.”_

 

_Before he even finished speaking Aveline had snapped the file closed. “What am I supposed to do with this?” She asked, shaking the folder in her hand._

 

_“Everything you need to know is in there, the rest is classified.”_

 

_“I need to know what my team is doing.”_

 

_“It’s new regulation, you are welcome to take your concerns to the director herself.” Cullen said and at least he looked apologetic about it. Varric wondered if Cullen had dared to speak up against his dictator or if he had just quietly disapproved. Either way it had obviously been useless._

 

_Aveline wanted to argue, he could practically feel it, wanted to himself. Instead she fumed silently. “Fine. I will. Anything else?”_

 

_“That’s all. They are free to go.” Cullen said opening the class door for them. Merrill jerked awake at the noise, looking around with unfocused eyes and the others stirred slowly and carefully._

 

_Varric gave Aveline a look before he stepped closer. He put a hand on Merrills knee and patted it lightly. “Hey Daisy, come on. Time to get home.” Merrill nodded, still drowsy. He wasn’t sure if she had even recognized him._

 

_Hawke stood slowly as if she had aged years and Anders groaned with every step he took out of the room. They slinked past Cullen, shielded by Aveline, and left the room behind quickly. They had never looked like this after training. A little worn out and tired maybe but this? This was his friends at their breaking point.  Varric hovered close to Hawke’s side, taking off his jacket and offering it to her to put around her shoulders. She accepted it, gingerly and silently. None of them spoke all the way to the elevator._

 

_Aveline handed Varric the file she had been given._

 

_The first page read:_

 

_Training and evaluation of special forces trainings unit concerning_

 

_Anders Falls_

_Katrin Hawke_

_Merrill Talas_

 

_And beyond that, the print was completely replaced by black boxes hiding any letters. The next page was completely blacked out except for the bottom text and two signatures:_

 

_Evaluating Supervisor_

_Director Meredith Stannard_

 

_Secondary Supervisor_

_Agent Cullen Rutherford_

 

_Evaluation and trainings unit result:_

 

_All participants performed adequately, further evaluation requested within two weeks time._

 

_It was a joke. Had to be._

 

_“This is a joke right?” Varric asked through clenched teeth. He shot a look at the others. Most of them were too exhausted to react. Merrill was back to leaning against one of the walls with her eyes closed while Anders and Hawke just stood staring at nothing._

 

_Aveline pressed the button for the ground floor. “Take them home.” Then she pressed the button for the top, Meredith’s office._

 

_He took his phone out of his pocket and took a picture of the “report” under Aveline’s watchful eye, waiting for her to intervene. She let him proceed, a silent permission before he handed the file back to her._

 

_The elevator stopped at the ground floor and to Isabela, waiting there with her arms crossed tightly._

 

_When she saw them, she didn’t look shocked._

 

_Varric ushered them outside, Merrill all but falling into Isabela’s waiting arms._

 

_Before the door closed behind them again, Varric looked over his shoulder at Aveline. “Be careful.” He said._

 

_Aveline nodded. Then the doors closed._

 

_The united force of him and Isabela managed to get the three into their respective homes. It was eery, none of them speaking. Hawke fell asleep in the passenger seat the instant they drove away from the compound, Merrill huddled into Isabela’s side as Anders had stared at the traffic passing them by until they dropped him off with Karl._

 

_Isabela all but carried Merrill into her apartment, Merrill giving a small wave to him before they disappeared into the building. The first reaction she had given him._

 

_He got back into the car, Hawke still mostly passed out on the passenger seat. He gave himself a minute to panic and despair at the horror before them. Why had he let it get this far, how had he not intervened earlier, why would someone do this and how did they think they could get away with it?_

 

_Hatred and rage burned in his chest like a supernova before dimming to embers low in his gut. He needed to get his hands on the full report. They needed evidence, they needed security. He needed to her Hawke into a bed and bundle her up into all the blankets he could find. She was still shaking even with his leather jacket._

 

_One moment and a deep breath later and he started the car again to take off. It was good he could find his way through Kirkwall blind and drunk because he barely managed to pay attention to the traffic with everything going on in his head. By the time he made it to Hawke’s apartment in Hightown, he couldn’t even remember taking the drive anymore._

 

_He reached to turn of the car after he had parked when Hawke’s cold clammy hand closed around his wrist._

 

_There was no force behind it but when he turned to look at her, her eyes were clear. He put his hand over hers, trying to share some warmth._

 

_“Varric.”, her eyes were darting around, watching the people walking about on the street. “I need your help.” Her voice was barely loud enough to be heard over the engine. Deliberately so. She could be talking about anything but something in her gaze spoke of something mightier._

 

_“Anything you need.” He replied, squeezing her hand._

 

_Hawke led him into her apartment with shaking legs, all the way to her bathroom. She turned on the shower and faucet and slumped to the floor. Varric wasn’t sure if the paranoia was justified or over the top but Hawke seemed more at ease with the white noise masking their voices so he sat down next to her. Her head slumped onto his shoulder and for a second he thought she might have passed out on him._

 

_“Anders has been planning something since Karl. I don’t think he will wait much longer.” Hawke said quietly._

 

_Varric processed the words slowly. Turning them around in his head. “Are we collaborating or sabotaging?” He asked, turning his head so he could press a kiss on Hawke’s forehead._

 

_“Little bit of both. I doubt I could stop him, but hopefully we can prevent him from doing something he will regret.”_

 

* * *

 

**Now**

 

“So, what do you think?” Varric asked over the rushing water of the shower. The air in the bathroom was humid enough that it was hard to breathe, but at least it was warm. Nowhere in Haven seemed to hold any heat whatsoever. Varric wasn’t equipped for this kind of weather. He needed sun, and sea air, and the stink of stale puke in alleyways to feel at home. The worst was that nobody else seemed bothered by it. Blighted Fereldens.

 

“You were right, kind of our mess to fix.”, Hawke said from behind the shower curtain. “We must have been sloppy when we cleaned up his people.” She said and Varric shivered at her words. They had killed enough people that day, if some of them had managed to get away, Varric was all for it. Even if it meant dealing with them now.

 

“We were a little preoccupied with other things at the time.”, Varric said and dragged a hand through his hair. “Besides, we did our jobs. The agency had the task of arresting everybody.”

 

Hawke hummed. The sound echoed slightly. “Do you think Meredith was deliberately sloppy on that one?”

 

Varric pondered. Meredith had been insane at the end, but during Corypheus she had still been somewhat reasonable. And she had made no secret about being disgusted by him and his methods. “Unlikely but not impossible, I suppose.”

 

A sigh. “Not like it matters much now. It is what it is.”, Hawke shut off the water to - by the sound of it - shampoo her hair. “I would feel better with the others here but-” She trailed off, knowing he would know what she meant.

 

Varric would feel better with their team in their corner. But Aveline was knee deep in rubble, trying to help Kirkwall rebuild. Isabela had taken Merrill and Fenris out to the sea and they were days from shore, much less the Frostback mountains. Anders and Karl had taken refuge with the two younger Hawke’s in Ostwick, laying extremely low on threat of violence from the head of the family. And Sebastian…

 

Varric wondered about where Sebastian was sometimes. If he was alright and safe. Usually the thought disappeared quickly.

 

“We’ll be fine. The people here are alright.”

 

Hawke turned the water back on. Rinse and repeat. Varric wondered if they could stop running now. If Hawke could stop running. He had seen the way the Inquisition treated people with magical abilities. It was leagues better than anything he had ever seen. And with the information they had leaked to the public more and more people were stepping into the light. There was a new age upon them.

 

“Are we going to talk about it eventually?” Hawke asked suddenly, snapping Varric out of his thoughts.

 

“You have to be more specific here, we just talked about lots of things.” He said but already felt something heavy and foreboding settle in his gut.

 

“The fact that we are married, technically.”

 

Varric took a deep breath of the humid air.

 

Right. The elephant in the room.

 

“I mean, it is a technicality.”, he started. “We don’t even know for sure if Sebastian was even capable of marrying us. And if he was, why wouldn’t he have told us? I mean, it’s choir boy. That’s not really his speed.” He was rambling. He needed to stop talking.  

 

“Right.”, Hawke shut off the water and threw the shower curtain back. He stared at her. It was impossible not to look at her in that moment. His eyes were drawn instantly to the giant scar over her ribcage where Meredith had almost killed her. She stood there naked and wet and unashamed in front of him. Expectant. Waiting. For the life of him, in that moment he couldn’t think what she was waiting on. “Nothing else?” She asked after the silence had stretched into the uncomfortable.

 

It was hard to think. Must have been the humidity clouding his brain. Varric shook his head. “Why would it be?”

 

Hawke out her arms around her. “Why indeed. Hand me a towel?”

 

He did. The room felt colder afterward.

 

* * *

 

**Then**

 

_At this point, Varric felt like he knew Hawke his entire life. In reality they had met in their late twenties. Half a life without each other and yet here they were. He heard Hawke’s jaw crack with a yawn, and he had to stifle one of his own escaping him. She bumped into him as she stretched on the shitty hotel bed next to him, lazy as a cat in sunlight but wincing when the movement upset the wound at her side. It was mostly healed now, unimaginable without the aid of magic. Varric had never felt more grateful about their powers._ _  
_ _  
_ _„What time is it?“ She asked, eyes barely open._ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric spared a glance at the broken clock on the wall before deeming it pointless and grabbing his phone from the nightstand. „Just after noon.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Hawke groaned and got up, grumbling all the way to the little bathroom. Something something about being too old for the mattress._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Anything from Anders?“ She said, before shutting the door between them and Varric got up from the bed as well. Their conversations really shouldn’t be held louder than necessary._ _  
_ _  
_ _„No and that’s a good thing, remember?“ He asked and heard Hawke grumble something under the sound of running water. „What was that?“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„I said ’Yeah, yeah’.“, she replied with a slightly raised voice that told him she was lying. A minute passed before she opened the door. „So what’s the plan now?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _„We need to get some new names.“ He told her and she nodded. Outside a police siren blared along the main highway right next to their residence, making them wait in tense anticipation until it was out of earshot._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Let’s get dressed and explore town then. We probably shouldn’t stay long.“ Hawke said and strode over to their hastily packed bags._

 

* * *

 

_Being on the run from a giant corrupt government agency was more fun than Varric imagined. Perhaps it was because he had returned to his roots. Back into the grime and the muck of the underbelly, this was home. Going straight hadn’t really suited him, even if he had fooled himself into thinking it had. This was much more his speed._ _  
_ _  
_ _In the first few days he had been concerned for Hawke, but she had adapted as easily as she did to anything else._ _  
_ _  
_ _If nearly getting blown up hadn’t fazed her too much, he figured few things would._ _  
_ _  
_ _A new day, a new city, a new shitty hotel room. This time with twin beds instead of a double, and no bathroom door. It was fortunate that years working together had removed almost all modesty between them._ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric had gotten comfortable on the surprisingly soft bed as Hawke cut her hair short, topless in the bathroom with stolen scissors._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Isabela checked in and said to stay clear of Starkhaven. She barely made it out with her fingers attached apparently.“ He told her and tried not to mourn Hawke’s hair falling down her back. He liked it better long. The criminal lifestyle didn’t come with a lot of luxury however. It was more practical that way._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Figures that Sebastian would take it personal.“ She said, without venom._ _  
_ _  
_ _„It was his mother.“ Varric agreed. Stepmother, technically but who cared about blood relations these days. They had tried their best to get the building empty. The plan had been to make a point, not to kill people. At least it had been after Hawke and Varric got involved in the planning. Sadly the Chairwoman Elthina and Director Meredith hadn’t quite cooperated with that plan._

 

_Varric grimaced and tried to repress the memories of it._ _  
_ _  
_ _Hawke sighed and sat the scissors down. He looked up from the message he was composing to Aveline to see Hawke stare at herself in the mirror. Varric didn’t know what she was looking for but looking intently she was. Eventually she let her shoulders fall with another heavy sigh._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Hopeless.“ She said and grabbed the electric razor that was attached to the wall to take it to her the sides of her head._ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric watched her only for a heartbeat before he stood up and walked over._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Let me, you’ll look like a lawnmower victim if you keep going.“ He said, taking the razor and pushing her to sit so he could actually reach her head. She complied with minimal resistance. He carefully dragged the razor along her scalp, noticing grimly that it was likely only meant for beard trims for the time it took to get anywhere._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Should I do you next?“ Hawke asked in jest as he cleaned up the vague undercut he had decided on, and replaced the electric razor with the scissors to get some semblance of shape into the top part of her hair._ _  
_ _  
_ _„You are not touching this.“ He gestured vaguely to his head._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Won’t people recognize you?“ She asked, mock serious._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Don’t you always threaten me to tie a balloon around my neck so you won’t lose me in a crowd? I’m- I was a desk jockey, people won’t recognize me as quickly as you, Mrs. Field Agent.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Hawke huffed, or maybe she blew some errant hairs falling on her face. It was hard to tell while focused on her soft hair between his fingers._ _  
_ _  
_ _He looked at the mess they had made when he was done, and wondered how easy it would be to steal bleach to get rid of the evidence or if they had enough money to buy it, as Hawke examined herself in the mirror._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Maybe I should dye it, too.“ She wondered aloud, hands running over the shorn parts of her skull. Varric pulled a face but didn’t voice his opinion. It would probably be more practical if they both did, and yet._ _  
_ _  
_ _„We haven’t run into trouble yet.“ He said instead._ _  
_ _  
_ _Hawke hummed. „We are almost out of the Marches.“ She said in agreement and with a nod, went to put her shirt back on._

 

* * *

 

**Now**

 

An explosion shook the building and made the heavy doors protecting them groan worryingly. Varric was too stunned to react. Corypheus. Alive and in the flesh. Or at least his much uglier twin brother. How the hell-  
  
"I thought you killed that fucker?!" Sera screamed over the noise of gunfire.  
  
"Believe me, if I had had any doubt about it, I would have said something. I was very sure about killing him dead." Hawke replied, her voice only slightly raised so she was audible over the noise. Sera groaned loudly.  
  
"Might be some magical ritual involved. I've heard of several that could be at play here." Dorian threw in. Wonderful, just what they needed. More blood magic fuckery.  
  
"We can worry about the hows and whys later. What are we doing?" Cadash stepped ahead and parted the crowd of panicked people like the sea. Cullen, Leliana, Josephine and Cassandra met her halfway  
  
"We are vastly outnumbered and outgunned. Our position isn't defensible, especially not against heavy artillery." As if to demonstrate Cullen's point further, another blast shook the building. The roof trembled and caved in partway, raining boulders on them.  
  
Someone shouted "Look out!" but it was too late for any of them to move. Thankfully Vivienne had quick enough reflexes.  
  
She threw out her hand in a half circle motion and immediately Varric felt the comforting warmth of a barrier flicker over them all, just seconds before the debris hit them, harmlessly bouncing off the magical shield.  
  
They all shook off the shock quickly. Had to.  
  
"We have too many injured and non-combatants to make a stand even if we wanted to." Josephine added with a worried glance over her shoulder. People behind them were being hastily bandaged or quick healing spells applied.  
  
Cadash nodded. "So we run. Options?"  
  
"We have access to old mining tunnels that go through the entire mountain. Cole knows his way around them, but structural integrity might be a problem." Leliana told them.  
  
A direct blast against the door threw them all off balance, and dented the heavy metal door.  
  
"If our other option is the front door, I'll take my chances with the tunnels." Varric said.  
  
"Corypheus will chase us down either way." Hawke said, one look at the door behind them. Her hands were clenching and unclenching rapidly.

 

Hawke and Cadash shared a glance, and Varric hated that he knew instantly what they would say next.

 

“You guys get out through the tunnels.” Cadash said.

 

“We’ll distract him.”, Hawke added with a nod. “It’s us he is here for anyway.”

 

Cullen and Josephine sprang into action instantly. There was no time to lose. They rounded up the people that had managed to fall back into Haven headquarters, and someone shouted for Cole to lead the way into the tunnels. The uninjured personel ran around, gathering supplies from various corners in an organized chaos that made Varric dizzy looking at for too long.  

 

“How are you going to get out?” Leliana asked.

 

“Same way you are.” Hawke said nonchalant.

 

“Hopefully.” Cadash added.

 

“We’ll think of something.”

 

“That’s not exactly reassuring.” Varric threw in, balling his hands into fists. His palms were clammy and his stomach clenched painfully.This was bad. This was the way disasters started.  

 

Hawke glanced at him and gave him a reassuring smile that only made him feel worse.

 

“Killed him before right? How hard could it be a second time?”

 

Varric wanted to protest. He wanted to scream and shout and just take Hawke and leave, but the sound of gunshots were getting louder and louder, the flimsy barricade of the door wouldn’t hold forever. Dorian and the Iron Bull were helping the injured onto stretchers, Blackwall and Cassandra  were helping carry some down the stairs. They were a slow moving target, and needed all the time they could get. Corypheus would hunt them down relentlessly as long as Cadash and Hawke were with them.

 

He knew all of that. It didn’t make it easier.

 

“Cadash, a word?” Leliana asked and walked a few feet away, giving them as much privacy as possible. If they survived the night, Varric would have to get her a nice bottle of wine.

 

Hawke crouched down and leaned in close. “I’ll be fine Varric.”

 

“This is a stupid plan and you know it.”

 

“Got any better ideas?” She asked even though she knew the answer.

 

“That guy hates your guts.” He will kill you, Varric added in his mind, not daring to speak the words aloud.

 

“Many people do. He isn’t special.” Hawke said, smiling. She was way too calm about all of this. He didn’t like it one bit.

 

He took her hand in his. Varric wanted to believe it was Hawke’s hands that were shaking and not his own. He was afraid. He placed his hand on her cheek and brushing his thumb across her cheekbone, committing her face to memory. Her eyes, the slope of her nose and the stroke of her lips. Just in case.

 

“I still owe you a ring.” He said. What did he have to lose now? There was no use pretending anymore. Hawke looked at him stunned. “You better come back for it. It’ll be the ugliest thing you’ve ever seen."

 

A helpless laugh bubbled in her throat. She dropped her forehead to his, shaking her head as if to mock his remarkable timing. He cursed himself for not getting the hint earlier. But then again, this made for a better story didn’t it?

 

“Can’t wait.”, Hawke squeezed his hands. She pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth and Varric wanted nothing more than to hold onto her. He couldn’t do this again.

 

Outside an explosion shook the building, making everyone pause. Dust rained from the ceiling and they held their breath seeing if it would collapse further. When it held, the people scrambled faster, and Cullen came jogging up to them just as Cadash and Leliana did.

 

“Go, beat his ass.” Varric said, letting go of her.

 

“I’ll give him your regards.” Hawke said and rose up straight.

 

“We have to leave now if we want to make the most of it.” Cullen told them and held out a staff to Hawke. Varric vaguely recognised it. Some of the mages with the Inquisition used it when doing spells. Dorian had told him it helped channel energy and made spells more powerful, Which was not known outside of Tevinter.

 

Hawke shot him a glance, and took the staff carefully. She gave it a few experimental spins, and the peace offering of a brute was a reliable weapon. But Hawke accepted it nonetheless. She seemed to instinctively know what to do with it too. If he weren’t terrified, Varric would have been impressed.

 

“Get them out of here, Cullen.” Hawke said. She wasn’t the type to hold grudges, but he wondered what she felt in that moment, giving Cullen that responsibility.

 

“I will. Good luck.”

 

With a last look to Hawke Varric followed the Inquisition to the tunnels.

 

There was a nervous energy that drove them forward, soldier and civilian alike. The rumbling grew quieter with every step away from Haven.

 

He wasn’t quite sure who was leading them through the winding tunnels and corners but sure enough eventually they saw moonlight. Varric couldn’t even tell how long it had taken them all. It could have been hours. As soon as his feet sank into fresh snow he wanted to turn around.

 

Cullen and him were the last out of the tunnels. Cassandra was standing at the exit making sure everyone made it out. The front of their caravan had already made good way towards a valley deep in the mountains.

 

“We should block off the exit behind us. Corypheus’ people could be right behind us.” Cullen said to Cassandra.

 

“We can’t. Cadash and Hawke are planning on following our path.” She said and her gaze dared Cullen to disagree with her.

 

The icy wind picked up, nearly throwing Varric off balance. The bit of moonlight that had guided them outside was quickly disappearing behind clouds. A storm was coming. He looked towards Haven. From the distance the tiny village was a couple of dots in the snow, only visible from the burning buildings and the smoke. It was impossible to see individual people, especially with the growing cloud cover.

 

From amidst the chaos, a streak of orange emerged, racing across the sky. Almost akin to a sunset if it weren’t moving at rapid speed towards the peak of the mountain above Haven.

 

“What’s that?” Varric asked, turning everyone’s attention toward it. A missile? A rocket? No.

 

“Is that a fireball?” Cullen asked, and when the flaming projectile hit the snow masses, he was proven correct. The resulting explosion flared bright enough to burn into his retinas, curling around the mountain with a deafening boom. It was bigger than any fireball Varric had ever seen. Was it Corypheus?

 

“I didn’t know a fireball could miss.” Varric said.

 

That was when a second one flared on the night sky. Smaller this time but aiming for the same spot at the peak of the mountain. One second of terrible silence then the mountain seemed to shift.

 

“It didn’t.” Cassandra said in horror. They were trying to bring the entire mountain down on Haven. And they were succeeding. Even in the dark they could clearly see the snow and rock shifting.

 

“Avalanche.” Cullen said in horrified awe as the snowbank heading towards Haven picked up speed.

 

The entire mountain range seemed to vibrate with energy, a rumble shaking the ground around them.

 

“We need to keep moving.” Cassandra said. Varric didn’t move until he felt her hand tug him along.

 

* * *

 

**Then**

 

_„Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes!“ Alistair greeted them with open arms. He pushed away from where he had been leaning against his car._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Hey Alistair.“ Hawke embraced the other man with open arms as Varric stood awkwardly half a step behind them. The parking lot of the harbour was bustling with people at this time of the day. His eyes scanned the crowd for anything suspicious. They had done their best to avoid attention, but who knew these days._ _  
_ _  
_ _„What have you gotten yourself into?“ Alistair said as the two parted._ _  
_ _  
_ _Hawke shrugged. „Revolution, I suppose.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Alistair barked out a laugh. „Sure.“, he looked past Hawke, noticing Varric. „Sorry. I’m Alistair. I’m a friend of Hawke’s cousin.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric took the offered hand. „I know. Varric.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _„Pleasure. So, you guys need a place to crash?“ Alistair asked and took a ring of keys out of his pocket, twirling them around his finger._ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric hadn’t slept anywhere horizontally in two days and hadn’t showered in four, so his patience was rather thin for all these useless pleasantries._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Yes please.“ Hawke said, before he could be unpleasant._ _  
_ _  
_ _„This way, then.“_

 

* * *

 

 

_He was still groggy when he woke up. He blinked into the darkness, disoriented as hell. His limbs still felt sluggish and he could feel were his damp hair had dried into a mess on the side of his face. Maybe he should have followed Hawke’s example and gotten that haircut after all. Long hair and long stretches with no showers didn’t exactly agree with his pampered self._ _  
_ _  
_ _The mattress underneath him was well worn and the most comfortable thing he had slept on in days. He glanced at the alarm clock and groaned quietly. At most he had slept for three hours. Why was he awake?_ _  
_ _  
_ _There was a mumble from the other side of the bed followed by the loud squeaking of springs of the mattress._

_  
_ _„Ah, shit, Hawke. Settle down.“ He grumbled and sat up. Hard moonlight was streaming in from the open blinds, shining bright light right into his face. Might as well close them before the sun came up._ _  
_ _  
_ _He shivered when the cold hit his bare feet. The weariness of sleep was still sitting deep in his bones, making his movements sluggish. He fumbled with the blinds, trying to close them as quietly as possible only to have them crash down suddenly. The loud noise startled him even seeing it coming. He jumped away with his heart beating into his chest._ _  
_ _  
_ _Hawke jerked awake violently, falling off the mattress and spilling onto the floor._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Sorry, I thought you were awake.“ He said and send a silent prayer that he hadn’t woken up the entire neighbourhood._

_  
_ _Hawke didn’t reply._ _  
_ _  
_ _He looked back to her and realized she couldn’t. Hawke was preoccupied with gasping. Her entire body was shivering and when he knelt down to touch her, he realized she was bathed in cold sweat. She flinched but didn’t move away._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Hey, come on. Just a dream, Hawke. It’s all good.“ Varric gently pulled her against him and rocked them back and forth, freezing their butts off on the floor. Her hands clawed at his arms, desperate to find purchase. Varric could feel her ribcage through their clothes expand, struggling to get air into her lungs._ _  
_ _  
_ _„They got her. We have to get them back.“ Hawke’s voice was hoarse as if she had been screaming all night._ _  
_ _  
_ _„They are all safe Hawke. It’s okay. Everyone is alright.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Hawke shook her head, knocking into his chin but not feeling it. „She’s dead. She’s dead. I killed her. I wasn’t there.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Hawke’s temple, hoping to still her movements before she injured herself._ _  
_ _  
_ _He didn’t know what to do. There was nothing he could say. Nothing that could solve this._

 

_„It’s not your fault, Hawke. It’s okay. Everything is okay. Come on.“ He said anyway and got them both on shaky feet. Varric gently ushered Hawke under the covers and climbed in after so that she could keep her death grip on him._

* * *

 

**Now**

 

If nothing else Varric could appreciate the Inquisition’s efficiency. By the time Cassandra and Cullen dragged him to camp, they had already set up enough for it to deserve the name. A loose circle of tents around a fireplace with someone already preparing a meal right next to it, several people armed to the teeth patrolling in a wide berth around and their injured getting tended to more diligently than they had been able to before.

 

Varric couldn’t feel his feet or his hands from the cold but there was a numbness within him that had nothing to do with the temperature.

 

He sat down by the fire for warmth and let the smell of whatever warm broth was being hastily thrown together waft around him. He wanted a drink. People were bustling around him, running from one side to the next. Cassandra and Cullen had left him at some point, off to take care of their own business and he hadn’t even noticed.

 

Time could be weird like that. He buried his face in his hands, breathing carefully. He was on the edge of losing his shit. The mountain still seemed to vibrate, and he was glass about to burst. Behind his eyelids he could see a highlight reel of Hawke, getting caught in a warehouse explosion and burning alive. Hawke, tired enough to be dead and paler than the wall behind her. Hawke, blood pouring from between her fingers raising her other hand to incapacitate Meredith only seconds before Varric could try to kill her himself. Hawke, getting caught and buried by an ocean of snow and suffocating in the cold.

 

He opened his eyes. The fire was still burning and the person cooking started to fill the contents of their pot into bowls.

 

Hawke’s siblings would have to be told. Varric would have to tell them. Maker, he would have to tell Aveline and Isabela and-

 

He wanted to scream. Instead he balled his hands into firsts until the sharp pain of his fingernails digging into skin broke through the numbness.

 

* * *

**Then**

 

_„There are a lot of people looking for you guys.“ Alistair told them as he poured them cups of coffee._ _  
_ _  
_ _„No shit.“ Varric said and pulled one mug toward him._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Comes with blowing up the headquarters of the biggest secret service in the Free Marches, uploading all of its files to the internet and killing its director, I suppose.“ Hawke said, sipping at the coffee and grimacing at the taste. Alistair was many things, talented at making coffee was not one of them._ _  
_ _  
_ _Alistair sat down at the tiny table of his kitchen, ignoring the way it wobbled at his added weight when he put his elbows on top. „Got word from Zevran that Chantry Intelligence is on the case. One of their Seekers is sneaking around in Kirkwall.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric drummed his fingers on his mug. „Not like they are gonna find anything but rubble there.“ And Aveline. But they had made sure to keep her out of everything. If anything all the only thing Aveline would be able to tell them that she was pissed as hell at them._ _  
_ _  
_ _“That’s why we took all the information off the servers. So nobody could get rid of the evidence.“ Hawke said, as bitter as the coffee. “Not that it did us any good.”_

 

_In hindsight, Varric liked to think he could have come up with something better than ’Blow it all to hell and run for it’, with a bit more time and a bit more compromise from Anders. But what was done was done. He couldn’t really fault Anders for the dramatics, Varric had felt quite vindictive himself when he stopped to think about everything the agency had done._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Exposing magic to the public and the abuse of power over it in one fell swoop might have been a bit much for the public.“ He mused, leaning his cheek against his hand and sparing a look at Hawke next to him._

 

_She shrugged “Eh.” and drank more coffee. It must have been a relief for her. Them exposing the agency’s secrets, including their use of people with magical abilities brought a wave of people coming forth with their own stories. Other mages coming out of the woodworks, talking about their own personal horror stories. Regular people crying scam and false news and throwing insults left and right. Even the Tevinter government had officially given a statement about the situation, revealing their own large magic using population. It had been quite exciting months in politics._

_  
_ _Alistair rubbed the back of his neck. „There might be an option to talk to them without getting arrested.“ He said carefully._ _  
_ _  
_ _Both Hawke and Varric threw him a look._

 

_„I know one of the agents working the case. She might agree to a meeting with you. If they hear the other side of the whole mess, it might help you guys out.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric hummed thoughtfully and braced his chin on his laced fingers. Giving a statement could potentially help them, given it was convincing enough. He looked at Hawke who was gnawing on her bottom lip._ _  
_ _  
_ _„I’ll do it.“, He said. „You kind of killed the boss, even if they believe our story, they’ll arrest you. I’m at most an accomplice.“, he added when Hawke started to protest. She huffed but said nothing. She wasn’t happy, but she also knew he was right._ _  
_ _  
_ _„They could still arrest you.“ She said instead._ _  
_ _  
_ _Varric shrugged. „I’ve talked my way out of worse situations before. You should continue on to Ferelden, meet up with the others.“_ _  
_ _  
_ _Hawke took a hold of his arm, squeezing it almost painfully. „I don’t like this.“ Neither did he. He put his hand on top of hers and hoped the gesture spoke for him._ _  
_ _  
_ _„Let me contact Leliana, see what she says.“ Alistair said and left them alone_

* * *

 

_“It should be me going.” Hawke said, for the third time that day. “I killed her, I roped you into it all. It’s my responsibility more than yours.”_

 

_“And that’s exactly why you shouldn’t go.” Varric said. They had argued about this day and night and were now going into the second day. He zipped up his duffle bag with a sense of finality. It wasn’t like he was bringing much into enemy territory so his luggage felt a lot less heavy than usual. It unnerved him on an entirely different level than the entire situation did._

 

_Hawke had her arms crossed over her chest. “Maybe we should both go then.”_

 

_“The entire point is you not going. You said it yourself, you are more guilty than I am in their eyes. Meaning, I can talk my way out of it better than you could.” He said._

 

_Hawke groaned and sat down at the edge of the bed they had shared, bracing her elbows on her knees. He sat down next to her, bumping her shoulder with his. Neither of them liked this solution. Months (years of knowing her) of being on the run had gotten him used to Hawke’s company. It was strange to imagine it missing now._

 

_“What if they do arrest you. Or worse?” Hawke asked quietly and put her head against his._

 

_“Then you come bust me out. It will be very heroic and embarrassing.” He said, just to make Hawke chuckle._

 

_She did, followed by a deep sigh. Her body melted against his._

 

_“Just don’t get killed.” She said._

 

_“Right back at you, Hawke.”_

 

* * *

 

**Now**

 

If Varric didn’t know he was incapable of dreaming, he would have been convinced he had nightmares throughout the entire night. He woke up with his eyes crusted shut with sleep, his body aching, and hair a mess. It took a few seconds to remember the events of the last day and for a few blissful seconds Varric was just his usual grumpy morning self, before the sorrow set in.

 

He had shared the tent with the Iron Bull, but now it was empty aside from himself. Varric briefly wondered how long he had slept before discarding the thought entirely. The tent was bathed in soft light diffused by the fabric it was made off. Not like it mattered. It was daytime. The mountain had settled just before dawn, they had all felt it. The quiet that followed had been worse than waiting for the avalanche to catch the neighbouring mountains.

 

Cassandra had sent some scouts out to look for Cadash and Hawke, who had returned empty handed and with the information that Haven was gone. Completely submerged in the snow. Even if by a miracle Hawke and Cadash had gotten away from Corypheus and the avalanche, surviving the entire night outside without shelter while the storm had been raging was next to impossible. Nobody had dared to say it aloud yet - at least not to him - but Varric didn’t need to be coddled.

 

He sat up in his sleeping bag, feeling grimey and disgusting and wondered if he should already start writing some letters. Couldn’t get that out of the way fast enough right? The thought of picking up pen and paper made him feel sick.

 

Maybe he should go and eat breakfast. Throw up a little. Get drunk.

 

It was as good a plan as any.

 

With a sigh, he heaved himself out of the sleeping bag. He was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday and there was really no point in getting changed now.

 

The outside was bustling with activity. Cassandra was gathered at a rickety camping table with Cullen, Josephine and Leliana pouring over maps and papers. Solas approached them with a map of his own, pointing something out to them that made them excited. When Varric had left to sleep last night they had been in the exact same position and he wasn’t sure if they had even taken a break to catch some sleep themselves. It was hard to find any will to care about whether or not they had.

 

People were gathered around the fireplace where breakfast was being dished out, seemingly the same broth as it had been last night. The forced casual conversation and stifled laughter of the people trying to squash the panic made the bile rise in his throat. He should have stayed in the tent.

 

His feet carried him to the edge of their tiny valley, to the mountain pass that protected them from clear view across the mountains. In the morning sun the view was blinding, perfect white burning itself into his brain. It was hard to look at for more reasons than one. He tried to pick out the path they had taken yesterday but found it almost impossible to remember. Maybe because the snow slide or the storm had wiped away all their footprints. Maybe because most of last night was a blur. Somewhere out there was Haven, buried maybe forever. These mountains rarely saw summers hot enough to melt everything. It would be impossible to find anything or anyone underneath.

 

His eyes stung, and he told himself it was the strain of the light rather than anything else. He hadn’t cried when his parents died, why would he now? Sure, he had barely known his father and his mother passing after years of alcohol abuse was a relief more than anything else, but surely if that hadn’t brought him to tears this also wouldn’t. This wasn’t his parents, this was just-

 

It was Hawke. There was no “just”. It was Hawke. His colleague, his best friend, his partner. His blighted _wife_.

 

He wondered if Fenris still had those pictures they had taken that day. Something to show for. Hawke had been intense and angry that entire day, still reeling from her mother’s death and the stress of dealing with the attacks on herself and her siblings. Maybe he didn’t want those pictures after all.

 

Someone at camp told everyone to pack up and behind him he heard the crunching of footprints in the snow. He recognized them as Cassandra’s before she came into his view. She was quiet, staring into the blank white alongside him.

 

“Solas has found an old outpost of the Inquisition. We'll be moving there.” She told him. Varric nodded. Of course. They couldn’t stay here after all. They still had injured and there was no way to know when Corypheus would find them here. Not to mention they had limited in supplies and were exposed to the weather out here. All good reasons to leave. Not a single one to stay and wait longer.

 

“I’m sorry.” Cassandra said. “If I had-”

 

“Just don’t.”

 

Cassandra looked at him, he could feel her gaze burn into him. She didn’t say anything else.

 

They should move. Yet he was rooted to the spot staring into the white. Long enough that the spots dancing on his retinas stuck around even when he closed his eyes. He sighed. The weight of the world pressing him down.

 

He opened his eyes to speak. “Let’s-” and stopped.

 

One of the dots in the snow wasn’t a lasting image from the light.

 

A dark spot was moving along the snow, towards them.

 

“Are you seeing this?” He asked and pointed. Cassandra followed his gaze, squinting at the distance.

 

“Could be scouts from the enemy. We should warn the camp.” She said and already took a step backwards when he took a hold of her wrist.

 

It couldn’t be.

 

One person- no, two. Small and leaning on each other. He shook Cassandra’s hand loose.

 

Varric’s feet were already moving. “Get a medic.” He said and ran.

 

His feet sank in the snow and held on, making it a strenuous endeavour but he didn’t feel the strain. Didn’t feel the exhaustion from the lack of sleep of the cold burning in his lungs.

 

When he got closer he could see them fully. Cadash had Hawke slung over her shoulders, dragging her more than she was carrying. They hadn’t even noticed him yet. With stubborn determination Cadash was walking on, eyes fixed to the ground and panting. When he got closer he noticed Hawke barely awake but still trying to stumble along on her legs, with varying degrees of success.

 

“Hawke!” He shouted when he felt it save enough. Both women stopped to look up at him running towards him and then behind him. When he threw a look over his shoulder, he saw Cassandra following quickly with a group of people. In front of him Cadash and Hawke sank into the soft snow utterly exhausted.

 

* * *

 

It took a trek up the mountains and two days of setting up in an old abandoned base for Varric to have chance to speak to Hawke. Which was fortunate, as she was asleep for most of it. Turns out a severe case of hypothermia, a concussion, second degree frostbite and three broken ribs would do that a person. To say Varric had been extremely worried would have been an understatement. Especially when the injuries didn’t heal themselves after the first day. As little as he understood about magic, he was familiar with Hawke’s particular brand of weird. Even with all the other healers and doctors of the Inquisition telling him it was to be expected it didn’t help.

 

He was vibrating out of his skin by the time he managed to get into her room after she had woken up.

 

She was lying on the bed and he felt the weirdest sense of deja-vu. Her cheeks and nose were still red from the exposure to the cold and a giant bruise was turning from black to purple on her temple but her eyes were alert and awake when he entered and sat down by her side. He took her hand gingerly, careful of the reddened skin on her knuckles.

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

“I’ve lost all my toes to frostbite.” Hawke said, her voice hoarse and scratchy.

 

He handed her the mug of water sitting on her bedside, laughing. It was warm to the touch. “That’s not true.”

 

She took a long drink. “Well, I lost one. It’s the pinkie toe though, who needs that?” He couldn’t tell if she was still joking, but filed that away as something to worry about at later time.

 

“Can’t argue with that.” He took the mug from her when she was done. “So, what happened? How did you get away?”

 

“Well.”, Hawke sank a little deeper into the pillows propping her up. Her fingers were twitching and stroking over his own. “We were pretty fucked straight out of the door. We figured, might as well take them all down with us.” She said, her words slurring together slightly, and shrugged sheepish.

 

“Wait what? You brought down the mountain?”, he let go of her hand in shock. “How?”

 

“That stick Cullen gave me was great. I want like, ten. Because I lost that one in the avalanche.”

 

He stared. He had expected Corypheus with his weird ancient death magic was capable of something like this. To think Hawke had brought down a mountain. How could he have ever doubted that he was in love with this woman?

 

“Super exhausting though. I need to practise that more. Dorian needs to let me in on some Tevinter secrets.” Hawke babbled on, likely still a little high on painkillers. Varric shut her up with a kiss. Hawke cupped his face in her hands. They were warm, and for some reason he had been worried they would still be freezing.

 

“How about I get you a cane first, and then maybe we move onto the magic sticks.” He said.

 

Hawke looked at him carefully, fingers dancing over the stubble on his chin. “You promised me a ring but I suppose a stick would also be alright.”

 

“I’ll get you both.” He said, as Hawke gnawed at her lip. The skin on it was split and scraped over and he worried briefly that she would make it bleed with her teeth.

 

“I’m just saying. One day you might wake up and realize you only liked me for my pinkie toe. I’d be fine with a stick.” She said not meeting his gaze.

 

He realized what she was doing. Giving him an out. Rushed love confessions on death’s door were too cliche to believe them, Varric knew it himself. Had likely said it himself in the past but this was different. If Hawke couldn’t believe him now, he had a lifetime to prove it to her.

 

“I’m a man of my word, Hawke.”, he told her and climbed onto the bed with her and pulling her into his side. “Or should I be calling you Tethras now?”

 

Hawke threw her head back laughing, evolving into coughing. “I’m keeping my name, thank you very much.”

 

Varric shrugged. “Varric Hawke sounds better anyway.”

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Something old,  
> something new,  
> something borrowed,  
> something blue,  
> and a silver sixpence in her shoe.
> 
> -
> 
> many thanks to my wonderful beta EchoedMusic <3


End file.
